Somehow
by Lime.Orange
Summary: He's going to make her fall in love with him, and I think I can feel my heart breaking. Christmas fic! SEDDIE FLUFF/ANGST


Inspired by.. Christmas. =)

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope this is enough fluff and angst to make your Christmas!

DISCLAIMER: still don't own anything except the plot.

--

I can clearly remember our conversation last Christmas.

He and I were lounging on Carly's couch. Carly was in the shower, getting ready to head out with us to go sledding. My legs were propped up on the couch, my feet on Freddie's lap. He looks slightly uncomfortable, but doesn't complain.

I sigh. There's nothing on but Christmas movies.. though it's expected, since it's Christmas day.

Out of nowhere, he pipes up. "You know what, Sam? Next Christmas.. I'm going to do it.."

"Do.. what?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "Get a haircut? Fix your face? Get cosmetic surgery-"

He frowns. "Sam." but the frown disappears as quickly as it appeared. "By next Christmas, I'm going to make her fall in love with me."

"Her?"

"The girl I love." he answers simply, his big brown eyes fixed on the television screen.

I burst into laughter, though it's forced and sounds unnatural because I don't want to cry in front of him.

"Wow.. and.. how are you going to do this exactly? Magic?" I mock sarcastically, watching him carefully.

"I don't know." he pauses. "But I will. Somehow."

I sigh. "Freddork.. I'm going to tell you this now," I look at him seriously. "nothing on this planet will ever make Carly love you. Ever."

He doesn't look any less determined, and it infuriates me. "Somehow.."

I scowl and turn back to face the television, and I can't help but think how lucky Carly is.

And somehow, that scowl is still on my face, exactly one year later.

Everything feels the same. We're lying on the couch together, staring at the boring Christmas movie playing on television. Carly's in the shower again, but we're going to go to Groovy Smoothies instead.

Today feels like my death.

Today, he's going to somehow make Carly fall in love with him. I'm scared it might work.

And today, he's going to break my heart.

No more longing looks. No more teasing. No more flirting. No more us.

And I can imagine it. He'll walk into the room with a dozen roses and sweep Carly right off her feet. Then she'll realize how lucky she is, knowing that he loves her - just like my dreams, but the only difference is that he loves her, and not me.

I'd become the third wheel.

Pushed aside like an old toy.

Ignored. Lonely. Unloved.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want this to happen.

"Sam?" he notices my discomfort. I open my eyes again.

"What, Freddork?"

"I dunno.. you looked kind.. kind of.." he sighs. "Never mind." he turns to face the television screen again.

And I don't understand why he does that, like he has the courage to say something.. only to back out in the end. It keeps my hopes up, but every time he gives up, my hopes sink a little harder than the last time.

I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't know how much longer my _heart_ can take it.

"Today's the big day, huh?" I try to make myself sound as casual as possible, but no matter how hard I try, it still hurts. "Today's the day you sweep Carly off her feet."

He doesn't answer, but shrugs.

I roll my eyes on the outside, but on the inside, my hopes sink farther and farther.

Then, he pulls something green and spiky out of his pocket. He smirks and holds it up to his face.

It's a mistletoe.

"Completely fool-proof." he looks at it, twirling it around in his hand. "All I have to do is find the right time and where."

Now, my hopes are gone.

I don't want to admit it, but I know he's completely right. He was going to kiss someone tonight, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I think I can feel my heart breaking.

"Wow.." I look away. "You've planned this all so perfectly, Fredward. Congratulations," somehow, I manage to mutter something sarcastic and then I reach for a candy cane.

I'm not sure what I should do.

--

By eight at night, we're all at home. Spencer and Carly are busy in the kitchen, belting out the words to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer while mashing potatoes and salad. Count Dorkula is on the computer, fiddling around on iCarly.

I sit on the couch, just like this morning, watching an old rerun of Girly Cow.

I'm not in the holiday spirit.

The singing, the happy Christmas carols.. it only reminds me of what's left to come.

I know he hasn't done anything with the mistletoe yet. I'm been watching him and Carly carefully all afternoon, afraid they would ditch me in the middle of ice-skating. I wasn't ready for this.

But now? Now, I was sure, once he got himself and Carly alone, somehow his plan would be put into action and... and..

I can't even think about it.

But it had to happen soon, hadn't it? He deserved someone like Carly. Someone with a bright, successful future, especially the girl he'd been pining after for over 4 years. I look at him.

He's smiling. And I can't take that away from him any longer.

My heart drops.

I owe him this much.

"Spencer?" my voice sounds raspy. It's perfect. "I.. I don't feel so well..."

He immediately drops his spoon, along with Carly, who stops singing. "What? Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yeah.. I've had a pretty bad stomach ache all day, but now it's getting worse.."

"Oh.. so.. what do you want to do?"

"I could lend you some pajamas. Maybe you just need sleep, Sam," Carly suggests, but I shake my head.

"No.. I think.. I think I should go home. You guys shouldn't worry about me," I smile weakly. "Could you drive me home Spencer?"

"Of course." He nods, and reaches for his jacket. "We'll go right now."

"You sure, Sam?" Freddie asks. He looks pretty concerned – but it isn't enough to fool me.

I clutch my stomach. "I'll see you guys tomorrow.."

"Merry Christmas, Sam!" Carly yells before I leave.

I try to catch a glimpse of Freddie's face before I'm out the door, but it's too late.

My heart is broken.

I hope he's happy.

--

The next morning, I wake up slowly.

I take my time carefully. Shower, brushing teeth, getting dressed – what normally would take me less than half an hour somehow becomes almost one and a half, but I don't want to face them.

I just don't.

There's nothing in the fridge – as usual. So I lace up my converses and pull on my winter jacket. At first, I want to head over to Groovy Smoothies and spend the rest of my morning there, drowning my sorrows away with banana smoothies.

But sooner or later, the inevitable has to happen.

So I make my way over to Carly's apartment.

Another hour passes.

Maybe they left. Maybe they went out to get breakfast. Maybe I wouldn't have to face them_ quite_ yet.

I pull the doorknob slowly, praying that it was locked.

_Click._

"Sam?"

Crap.

The door opens swiftly, much to my dismay. Spencer is standing in front of me, all dressed up in winter gear, complete with a matching hat and gloves.

"Can't talk right now, gotta get some more bacon!" he does a strange cheer at the end of the sentence and hurries out before I can even say "Hi."

Then, I look around.

Nobody.

"Yes!" I whisper to myself. Carly's still asleep, and with luck, I could leave unnoticed.

"Yes?"

Crap.

Crap, crap, crap-

It's him.

I don't turn around. My heart beats at 200 miles per hour, and I'm too scared to turn and face him.

"Sam." his hand reaches out and grabs mine. My breathing accelerates. "Why'd you go home last night?"

Calm down, Sam. Calm down..

"What kind of question is that?" I ask sarcastically, turning my head slightly towards him so I can give him a good glare. "You know why I left. Have you gone temporarily deaf or what?"

His hand is oddly warm. "Just because you fooled Carly and Spencer, doesn't mean you can fool me."

I'm not too sure what to say anymore.

"Oh really?" my eyes catch his. "And what could that possibly mean?"

He steps a little closer. "I don't know.." he steps even closer towards me, and instinctively, I take a step backwards. ".. why don't you look up?"

Huh?

I glance up towards the ceiling confusedly. The ceiling's a dull grey, except for the dark green and red blob-

"You've got to be kidding-"

It doesn't matter. I can't even finish my insult before Freddie kisses me lightly on the lips. I'm not too sure how to respond.

".. Sam?"

His dark brown eyes are a mixture of hope and worry. I take another step backwards, and his eyes widen.

"Sam..? Please.. please don't hurt me, I-"

"But.. I thought you were going to make Carly kiss you.." I whisper, still in a weird daze. ".. and.. and then-"

He's confused too. "When did I say that?"

And it hits me.

He didn't say anything about Carly. I just automatically assumed the 'love of his life' had been the girl he'd been pining after for 4 years.

"I said I'd make a girl fall in love with me," he repeats, taking another step closer to me. His hands caress my curls, but his eyes watch mine. ".. that girl, being the one I love. Do you get it now?"

Do I_ get it?_

Does it look like I understand _anything_, you stupid, clueless nub?!

But instead of screaming obscenities and hurling retorts, I pull him towards me and kiss him again.

I'm scared this is all a dream.

I don't want this to end.

So I close my eyes and pretend everything is alright, because I'm not too sure what's real or not right now. Though there's one thing clear;

"And don't you think," another kiss. "you're off the hook, nub." another. "I'm gonna kill you-"

But my threats are nothing. I'm too shaky and dizzy from what's happening.

"Sam.." he pulls away and brushes my hair lightly. "Are you gonna be okay?"

Am I?

"Yeah.." I whisper.

I'm not too sure, but I think I am.

As long as I'm his, somehow, I'll be okay.

--

Cheesy enough? =)  
**R&R, thank you!**


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